Scooby-Doo Meets Guns N'Roses

by Kate

Act I: 
Scene I

[Picture fades in with happy music serenading the gang as they bounce along
in the Mystery Machine; it is sunny, and the landscape looks like the desert
with a highway stretched out in the middle]

[View from inside the Mystery Machine -- Fred: driving; Velma and Daphne: 
sitting up front with Fred (Daphne in the middle;) Scooby and Shaggy: out 
of sight]

Velma: Wow, guys!  California is just the way I thought it would be!  We're
not even in Los Angeles yet, and I'm already excited!

Daphne: I know!  It's so groovy!  I'm glad we decided to go to the beach 
this year for summer vacation.

Fred: You can say that again!  How about you guys?

Velma: Yeah!  Scooby, Shaggy, we haven't heard a word from you since the 
last stop.

[View into the back of the van -- Shaggy and Scooby are slopping suntan 
lotion on.  Scooby is donned in a tourist-like shirt with sandals.  A stack 
of magazines and a box of half-eaten cookies are strewn on the floor of the 

Shaggy: Like, we're totally psyched!  Right Scoob?

Scooby: Right!

[Close-up as Scooby squirts more than enough lotion onto his arms]

Velma's voice: What are putting on, Scooby?

Scooby: Run-ran rotion!

Shaggy's voice: Like, yeah!  Me an' Scoob aren't taking any chances on the 
Sunset Strip, if you know what I mean!

[View of Shaggy and Scooby both rubbing entirely too much lotion into their 
skin; Scooby rubs a handful of lotion onto the top of his head, and his 
head-hair jumps straight up and out in all different directions.]

Scooby: [Gives his trademark laugh]

Velma's voice: Oh brother!

[View of the front seat; Shaggy and Scooby -- still with the moussed up hair 
-- pop up to join in the conversation.]

Daphne: I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm going to go straight to 
the La Brea Tar-pits when I get there!

Velma: I'd be much more interested at the school of film at the university.
Or maybe the movie studios.  I'm sure there are plenty of interesting facts 
about some of the greatest Hollywood films.

Shaggy: Yeah, and like, all the movie stars!

Scooby: Ran rock rars!

Fred: Don't tell me you guys are going to be hunting for autographs 
throughout this whole trip!

Shaggy: Like, why not?  Scooby brought his autograph book and everything!  

[Scooby waves a big blue book in the air with a grin.]

Fred: But it will be next to impossible for you to meet anybody famous!

Shaggy: Well, me an' Scooby are going to try anyway.

Scooby: Reah!

Shaggy: You guys can go hunt for names on the sidewalks, but we'd rather 
see the names on paper than cement!

[View of the Mystery Machine from outside; vehicle slows.]

Fred: Uh-oh.  Looks like somebody is having car trouble.

[A Jeep appears as the Mystery Machines roll closer; the doors to the Jeep 
are open.  Two men are nearby -- one looking into the engine, the other 
leaning against the side of the automobile.]

Velma: And in the middle of this heat, too!  We'd better stop!

Shaggy: Yeah.  Like, I'd hate to be stranded here in the sun without a 
cooler packed full of soda and pop-cicles!

Scooby: Here-here!

Scene II

[Scene changes -- the gang are out of the Mystery Machine and are standing 
next to the Jeep.  The two men approach peacefully.  One is blond and has 
oil stains on his hands and T-shirt, apparently toying with the engine.  
The other has lots of black, curly hair and a top hat.  Both are wearing 
leather pants and have tattoos scrawled down their arms and shoulders.]

Dark-haired guy: Whoa, are we happy to see you guys!

Blond: Yeah! [says in a relieved chuckle]  The only cars that come by take 
a good look at us and won't stop!

Shaggy: [speaks in an ecstatic, nervous, high-pitched, whine-like chortle] 
Like, they must not of recognized you! 

Fred: [As if he made the discovery!] Say gang!  I think we actually ran 
into some of those famous people that Scoob and Shag were talking about!

Velma: You're absolutely right Fred!  It's Duff McKagan and Slash from 
Guns N' Roses!

Daphne: This is so groovy!

Duff: Yeah!  And you're Fred, Velma, --

Slash: -- Daphne! --

Duff: -- Shaggy and Scooby!  This is so awesome!

Slash: Yeah, we're total fans!

[Close-up of Scooby blushing.]

Scooby: Rahhh ... [trademark laugh]

[View of the gang.]

Velma: What happened to get you into this fix?

[View of Duff and Slash.]

Duff: We have no idea.

Slash: We were on our way to meet up with Axl Rose and our photographer at 
some house out here in the middle of nowhere, and the engine just totally 
quit on us.

Duff: Yeah, an' it's like, real weird, too, 'cuz this Jeep hasn't ever 
given me any problems.

[View of all of them from the side.]

Fred: Hmm.  That is fishy.  Why don't you let Shaggy take a look at it?

[View of Velma.]

Velma: That would be the wisest idea.  Shaggy learned a lot about auto 
mechanics from Tinker and Speedbuggy.

[Shot of Shaggy and Scooby strolling up to the open hood with Slash and 
Duff standing beside it with puzzled looks.  Scooby sits beside the rock 
stars by the open door, and Shaggy leans into the engine.]

Shaggy: Like, no sweat, guys, I'll figure it out.

Scooby: [Looks up nonchalantly into the bucket seat of the Jeep; head-on 
shot of a reptilian face with fangs jutting out; view of the smile as it's 
shaved away from Scooby] Ripe!  Raggy!  Ronster!

[Scooby bolts toward Shaggy, bouncing clear off the ground straight up into 
the air.]

Shaggy: Monster?! Zoinks! [Exclaims while in mid-air; both Shaggy and 
Scooby fall from the elongated mid-air position to the open hood which 
immediately slams down on them once they hunker inside by the engine.]

[Back shot of the rest of the gang peering into the Jeep with Slash and 
Duff beside them.]

Fred: This isn't a monster!

Velma: Nope!  It looks like Scooby and Shaggy have chickened out over a 

[Shot of a mischievous-looking large snake coiled up in the bucket seat.]

Daphne: [Runs to the hood that Shaggy and Scooby are now crawling out of.] 
Jeepers!  I think I'll join Shaggy and Scooby!

[Shot of snake, now looking more friendly.]

Slash's voice: Oh, that's Percy.  She's from Arizona.  You don't have to 
worry about her.  She's a sweetheart.

[Shot of Scooby in Shaggy's arms.  Daphne stands next to them with her hand 
cupping her mouth.]

Velma's voice: Hear that, guys?  There's nothing to be afraid of!

[Shaggy totally drops Scooby and looks irritated.]

Shaggy: Like, yeah, Scoob!  It's just a snake.

[Close-up of Scooby; gives his trademark laugh awkwardly.]

[Daphne eases back into the group]

Daphne: Why did you bring a giant snake on the road with you?

[Shot of Duff and Slash.]

Duff: [smiles] Slash was gonna use her for a prop!

Slash: Just for the photo-shoot.  Not for a performance or anything.

Velma's voice: A photo-shoot?

Duff: Yeah, for, like, a magazine spread.

[Shot of the gang with Duff and Slash.]

Velma: I see.  You're on your way to this house so that the photos will 
have a creative, real backdrop to them.  How's their car, Shaggy?

[Shot of Shaggy looking into the engine skeptically.]

Shaggy: Like, there's nothing good here!  It almost seems like sabotage!

[Shot of Duff and Slash; confused.]

Fred's voice: Sabotage?  Do you know anybody who wouldn't want you to make 
it to the photo-shoot today?

Duff: No.  Why wouldn't they?

Slash: Yeah, it's just a bunch of pictures being taken.  And we're going to 
be late if we don't start rolling again!

[Shot of the gang.]

Daphne: Would you like a ride?

[Shot of Slash and Duff.]

Slash: I dunno.  Where were you headed?  It looks like you were going to 
the city.

Duff: Yeah, 'cuz, you'd have to, like, turn around.  It's in the other 

Shaggy's voice: Like, we don't mind.

[Shot of Scooby.]

Scooby: [Very excited.] Reah! Reah-reah-reah!  I rove Runs N' Roses!

[Shot of all of them.]

Slash: Well, if you don't mind turning around ...

Duff: Yeah, we're real grateful.  I always wanted to hang around with 
Scooby Doo and the gang!

Shaggy: Like, ditto!

Fred: Okay, gang, let's get going.

Scene III

[Short view of the Mystery Machine as it continues bouncing along the road.]

[View of the front seat with Fred, Velma, and Daphne in their same 
positions.  Slash and Duff are sitting behind them with Shaggy and Scooby.  
Percy is wrapped around Slash's neck and shoulders.]

Fred: [Looking back but not turning his head.] So what do you guys know 
about this house?

[Shot of Duff and Slash]

Duff: It used to be owned by this old recluse named Everett Arthurs.  Real 
weirdo.  [laughs]  He hated the life in Los Angeles, so he moved out here 
and hid away.

Slash: Yeah, but the freakiest thing about him was his last visit in town.
  [Turns to Duff.] Remember?  [Duff nods with a grin.]  His final complaint
 in life was that Guns N' Roses should be silenced for good.  He hated us
 and rock n' roll music in general.

[Close-up of Daphne's worried face.]

Daphne: Creepy!

[Shot of Slash and Duff.]

Duff: Yeah, he was a ghoul.

Slash: He walked totally humped over, and only one of his eyes worked.  The 
other one was just there, not really doing anything.

[View of Scooby looking scared; Percy comes into view unnoticed, hovering 
above him.]

Slash: (continues)  He used to go to the liquor store, and he saw me there 
once.  He just stared at me like some kind of vulture or something.

[Previous view of Scooby; Percy hisses and Scooby yelps and jumps.]

[View of everybody from the front.]

Duff: When he died, the photographer went to his place to watch them 
auction off all his stuff.  So, when they were selling off all of these old 
cameras, our photographer bought a whole box and insisted we come down here 
and get our pictures taken in front of the house of this guy who hated us.  
Then, the pictures go to the magazine.

[View of Duff and Slash.]

Slash: And I think the whole thing is eerie!  There's something really not 
right in doing this.

[View of everybody from the front.]

Velma: I would say Arthurs is a prime suspect in the sabotage in your Jeep 
-- if he were alive, of course.

Duff: Yeah, he'd have to be a ghost to do that.

[View of Scooby.]

Scooby: G-g-g-ghost?  Ripe!  [Starts chewing his fingernails.]

[Shot of Shaggy]

Shaggy: (looking firm) Just, like, stop with the ghost-thing!  You know 
Scooby's nerves.

[Previous shot of everybody.]

Velma: Don't be silly, Scooby.  There's no such thing as ghosts!

[View of the Mystery Machine pulling up to a big, run-down mansion -- the 
typical haunted house.]

Fred's voice: Looks like we're here.

Shaggy's voice: Like, there's no way I'm setting foot into that creepy old 
house!  There are probably spiders the size of Volkswagens scurrying around 
in there!

Scooby's voice: Reah!  Ran rats!

[View of everybody from the front looking skeptically at the old house.]

Velma: Oh, knock it off, you guys!  It's just a house.

[Shot of two cars parked next to the house.]

Slash's voice: Hey, there's the photographer's car!

Duff: That means Axl must be here!

[Shot of Velma.]

Velma: See!  There's nothing to be afraid of.

[Shot of Fred with Duff and Slash in the back behind him.]

Fred: Well, we'd better go see if they're ready for the photo-shoot.

Act II: 
Scene I

[View from inside.  There is a rolling view of what the vestibule of the 
house looks like.  Cobwebs are eternally fixed into every corner of the 
house, and drips are coming down from a bad roof.  A dusty chandelier is 
hanging from the ceiling, and a staircase is jutting up from the floor like 
a weed.]

[Everybody is standing right in front of the open front door, looking into 
the house.]

[Shot of everyone from far off.]

Velma: Jinkeys.  This place is absolutely run-down.

Fred: I'll say.  Arthurs wasn't one for keeping house.

[Shot of Shaggy with Scooby hunkering down in fright beside him.]

Shaggy: Oh, he keeps house, all right.  He keeps it nice and creepy.

[Shot of Duff.]

Duff: Hey, where's the photographer and Axl?  We saw their car outside.

[Shot from out the door of two cars parked by the Mystery Machine.]

Shaggy's voice: Like, which one is theirs?  There's two.

[Shot of Slash and Duff.  Slash still has Percy in his arms.  He sits her 
in a nearby chair.]

Slash: Yeah, I guess somebody else is here with them.

Duff: Dude, that Jeep looks just like mine.

[Close-up on the Jeep parked next to the photographer's car.]

Fred: Something's not right, here.

[Shot of Velma.]

Velma: You're right.  Duff's Jeep is a CJ2A, an old model used during World 
War II.  They're extremely rare, yet, the same model is parked outside 
Arthurs's house with the exact same paint color.  That couldn't be 

[Shot of Shaggy and Scooby.]

Fred's voice: Yeah, it's almost like bait.

Shaggy and Scooby: Bait!

[Shot of Daphne and Velma.]

Daphne: Relax, you guys.

Velma: Yes, I highly doubt that anything too odd will befall us.

[Suddenly, a huge fishing net drops onto everybody. They shout in surprise.]

[Shot of Shaggy and Scooby squirming underneath the net.]

Shaggy: Like, zoinks!  Who's bait now?

Scooby: Relp!

[Shot of Slash and Duff taking the net off of everybody.]

Duff: It's just a fishing net.

Slash: Yeah, and look who dropped it.

[Shot of Axl Rose standing on the stairs with a rope in his hand 
(the rope triggered the net to fall.)]

Axl: Oh, it's only you guys.  I thought maybe ... well, nevermind ...

[Shot of Fred, Daphne, and Velma.]

Daphne: Golly, it was Axl the whole time.

Fred: What on earth could have made you rig up a huge trap like that?

Velma: And only to catch your bandmates in?

[Shot of Duff and Slash.]

Duff: Yeah, dude, speak up.

Slash: That had better have been for a photo ...

[Shot of Axl, worried, standing next to Scooby and Shaggy.]

Axl: Dude, you wouldn't believe everything that's happened to me since I 
walked in here!  I thought you guys were already here, and then the 
photographer disappeared, and then I was stranded here.  I was hoping I 
could catch that guy.

Shaggy: Like, what guy?

Axl: Well, it was more of a thing.

Scooby: [jumps into Shaggy's arms] A thing?  Gulp!

[Shot of Slash and Duff smiling.]

Slash: Are you scared?

Duff: Wow, something really must have happened to freak you out.  You 
aren't afraid of anything -- which isn't necessarily a good thing.

[Shot of Axl.]

Velma's voice: What is this thing that scared you so bad?

Axl: Well, I'm not really scared ...

[Shot of the door slamming shut on it's own.]

[Shaggy and Scooby rocket to the chandelier in terror.]

[Shot of Velma.]

Velma: It must have been a gust of wind.

[Shot of Fred tugging at the door.]

Fred: That was one heck of a wind!  This door won't budge.

[Shot of Slash, Duff, and Daphne.]

Axl's voice: What do you mean it won't budge?  Keep trying!

Slash: Axl?  Where are you?

[Shot of Axl in the chandelier with Scooby and Shaggy.]

Shaggy: Like, he's up here with us.

Duff: Dude, you're hiding?

[Shot of Axl, Scooby, and Shaggy dropping to the ground, landing hard.]

Axl: No, I was ...  Alright, I'm absolutely terrified!

[Slash walks over and helps him up while Duff helps up Shaggy and Scooby.]

Slash: You've got some real explaining to do.

[Shot of Velma, Daphne, and Fred.]

Velma:  I'll say.  Like, who is this thing?  He seems to be the source of 
all of your anxiety.

[Shot of Axl.]

Axl: There's no explaining him.  He's ugly and terrifying and creepy and 
loud and --

[Axl looks startled.]

Axl: -- and he's standing right behind you!!

[The monster appears. He's a withered old man with a horribly ghoulish face 
and an eerie green glow of mist around him and flashing lights.]

Arthurs's ghost: Foolish rock stars!  You drove me to the solitude of this 
house, and now you'll remain trapped in here forever, along with the man 
who took my cameras!  Hah-hah-hah!!

[Shot of Shaggy and Scooby.]

Shaggy: (hair frizzing out) Like, zoinks!  It's the ghost of Arthurs!

Scooby: (hollering the loudest he can)

[Shot of Velma.]

Velma: Wait!  There's a logical explanation for this.

[Velma attempts to approach the ghost, but, when seeing the terror in him, 
she pivots around.]

Velma: And I'll find the explanation later!  Run!

[Everyone dashes away from the ghost, running up the stairs and 
disappearing into a bedroom.]

Scene II

[Slash and Duff are leaning against the door, pressing it shut, and the 
others are panting from the run.]

Duff: Like, was that for real?

Slash: (shakes his head)  Seemed pretty real to me.

[Shot of Axl]

Axl: I told you guys!

[Shot of Shaggy, looking almost concerned.]

Shaggy: Like, Slash!  Where's Percy?

[Shot of Slash.]

Slash: (startled and worried) Oh, no!  I left her downstairs with the 
monster!  I've got to go get her.

[Shot of everybody gathering around the door]

Shaggy: (hunkering down in cowardice) Don't you think Percy can, like, fend 
for herself?

[Shot of Fred]

Fred: No chickening out now, Shag.  We have to go back down there and look 
for clues.  There is no such thing as ghosts, and we're going to prove that 
old Arthurs!

[Shot of Velma]

Velma: I agree.  This is ridiculous.  I have a feeling that this is a 
mystery that desperately needs to be solved.

Scene III

[Everyone is back downstairs in the vestibule, but there is no ghost.  The 
chair Slash put Percy on is vacant.]

Slash's voice: She's gone!  Do you think that ghost took her?

[Shot of Axl and Duff]

Axl: I dunno, dude -- he took our photographer!

[Shot of Velma]

Velma: Oh, come on, Axl!  You're a big rock star!  Don't tell me you're 
scared over this!

[Shot of Duff]

Duff: I'll tell you I'm scared over this!  This is really starting to freak 
me out!

[Shot of Shaggy and Scooby looking around the area in fright]

Shaggy: Like, I'm scared over, under, and all sides of this!

Velma's voice: Figures.

[Suddenly, a clap of thunder sounds, and the sky darkens, sending a deep 
shadow over the insides of the house.]

[Shot of Shaggy.]

Shaggy: Oh, boy!  As if things weren't bad enough!  Now it's getting dark!

[Shot of Slash]

Slash: Hey, you kids don't need to be mixed up in this.  Why don't 
you just leave and get some help from the cops?

[Shot of the gang]

Daphne: We couldn't possibly leave you in this situation!

Fred: Besides, the door's locked on us.

[Shot of Velma looking at the door]

Velma: There must be some kind of mechanism that operates it.  I can't find 
any, though.  It may take some time.

[Shot of Axl, Duff, and Slash]

Axl: Well, lets go find another door and get you guys outta here.  We can 
look for the photographer and the snake on our own.

[Axl turns to find another door and runs directly into a man standing in the
shadows of the stairwell]

[Axl shouts in surprise and springs into Duff's arms;  Duff drops him]

Duff: Like, you're really jumpy, man! 

Axl: (on the ground; shaking his head) My nerves, dude, they're somewhere 

[Shot of the man in the shadows as he walks out]

Shaggy's voice: Like, who are you?

The man: My name is Hoffman, and I'm with the State of California.  I'm 
here to inspect this building.  From the looks of it, it's unsafe and 
dilapidated.  I would leave if I were you.

[Shot of Fred.]

Fred: We can't.  The door's stuck.

[Shot of the man pulling at it.  He stops and looks at it.]

Mr. Hoffman: You're right.  I told you this house was in sorry condition.  
I'll go out the back.

[Shot of the gang and the Gunners.]

Duff: Great!  We'll follow you out.

[Shot of Slash and Duff as they're following Mr. Hoffman.]

Slash: What about Percy?

Duff: We'll just get the kids out, like we were planning to, and then we'll 
stay and look around some more.  Velma's totally right.  There's no ghosts 
around here, only some guy trying to scare us.

[A sound clatters from a closet in a hall that is leading to the back door.
Everyone stops and looks at the closet.]

Fred: What was that?

Mr. Hoffman: Probably a mouse.  I'll check it out and enter it into my 

[Mr. Hoffman leaves the group and walks into the closet, and the door slams 
behind him.]

[Shot of Fred opening the door.]

Fred: Mr. Hoffman, are you alright?

[Shot of the inside of the closet with Hoffman missing and the ghost of 
Arthurs inside.]

Arthurs: (Looks quite scary and moans.)

[Everyone shrieks and scrambles to the back door.  Scooby runs right over a 
painted flower pot and gets stuck inside, sliding toward the others while 
using his free front paws to scurry along.]

[Shot of Duff, Slash, and Axl, all tugging at the door.]

Axl: It's not opening!

[Everyone turns and looks at the oncoming ghost with his arms raised into 
the air with intimidation.  There are the same gusts of mist and flashing 
lights around him.]

Arthurs: You will all perish, like that snoopy inspector.  Hah-hah-hah!

[Shot of Shaggy.]

Shaggy: Scooby Doo!  Do something!

[Shot of Scooby.  His ears are laid back in fright, and he pulls the pot 
from his bottom half.  Walking up to the ghost as calmly as possible, he 
pops the pot onto the ghost's head, giving everyone enough time to disperse 
and run in their own direction.]

[Shaggy and Scooby run to the left; Daphne, Fred, and Velma run to the 
right; Axl, Duff, and Slash run past the monster.]

[Shot of Axl, Duff, and Slash running away.]

Slash: [turns to his bandmates] That pot-idea was awesome.  Good ol' Scoob.

Duff: Yeah, I gotta hand it to him.

Axl: Guys!

[Shot of the end of the hall.]

Axl's voice: Which way?

[Shot of them pausing and looking.]

Duff: Left!

[Shot of them all rushing left.]

Act III: 
Scene I

[Shot of Axl, Duff, and Slash stumbling around through a dark room, lit 
only by occasional lightning, and looking for the light switch.]

Slash: Guys, the electricity's off.  We need candles.

[Shot of Duff lifting a candelabra from a table.]

Duff: Gotta light?

[Shot of Axl lighting the candles.]

[The room is like a huge dining hall, with a long table and a number of 
chandeliers suspended from the ceiling.  Huge paintings adorn a brittle 
wall behind them.]

[Shot of the Gunners.]

Axl: Y'know, I'm thinking Dracula should be flapping in here right about 

Duff: Yeah (chortles.)  This place is spooky.  But so are these paintings.

[Duff lifts the light to the portraits.]

Duff: Ugly.  This guy had bad taste in art, that's for sure.

[Shot of Slash looking at one of the portraits on another wall.]

Slash: Dude, bring the light over here.  Check this out.

[Shot of Axl and Slash looking at the portrait, Duff holding the candelabra 

[Portrait is of Arthurs looking smug and irritable.]

Axl: Ha!  I feel like punching that clown.

Slash: Well, Ax, what's keeping you from doing it?

Duff: Yeah, from what that Hoffman-guy said, they're gonna tear this place 
down anyway.  Go ahead.  Give him a whack.

[Slash and Duff are chuckling to themselves, and Axl gathers up a good 
fist.  One punch strikes the face of the portrait.]

[Without warning, the portrait swivels around, and Axl, having put so much 
force on the picture, flies down a sliding passage.]

[Duff and Slash look into the passage with the candelabra, worried about 
what has just befallen their friend/vocalist.]

Duff: (Turns to Slash) After you.

Slash: [climbing into the slide] Thanks.

[Shot of the two sliding down the passage, shouting in unison at the 

[They landed in a bin of water, smashing open the plastic container and 
sending water everywhere.]

Slash: (looking down at the smashed bowl of water) I hope Axl wasn't in 

Axl's voice: I climbed out before you guys came down.

[Shot of Axl standing in front of them and wringing out his shirt.]

Axl: Of course, I didn't break it.

[Shot of Slash and Duff standing up and drying themselves off.]

Duff: What did we just destroy by accident?

[Shot of the trashed water bowl with a machine hooked up to it on the 

Slash's voice: Oh, yeah.  It's a stage prop.

[Shot of Duff and Slash looking down on it.]

Duff: Yeah, they never worked.  What is it, a fog machine?

[Shot of Axl.]

Axl: I think so.  Whatever it is, it isn't working ever again, thanks to 
you guys.

[Shot of them all looking at each other.]

Duff: I can't help it if I'm half-a-foot and thirty pounds bigger than you! 
Besides, there were two of us.

Axl: Why didn't you stay up there?  I don't see a door down here [Quick 
scan of the room; doorless.] which means it would have been more beneficial 
for you to have to have remained where you were.

Slash: Hey, man, maybe we were worried about you!

Axl: (both Axl and Slash are getting dangerously angry) I can take care of 
myself, thank you.

[Shot of Duff standing between them.]

Duff: Guys!  Don't get so angry at each other.

Slash: (nervous) Sorry, Axl.  Just a little wet and angry.

Axl: It's okay.  So am I.  But I think we'd better get outta here soon, 
before we kill each other.  This will be ten times worse than the recording 

[Shot of Duff looking up the passage.]

Duff: Maybe we could scurry back up.  Like rats.

[Shot of Slash and Axl.]

Axl: Too wet, dude.  We'd never get up there.

[Shot of Duff trying to sit and sliding back down.]

Duff: I think you're right.  We're just going to have to wait for someone 
to come by.

[Shot of all of them.]

Slash: Y'know, there could be another passageway leading outta here.

Axl: (runs to the walls) Right!  C'mon, let's start kicking and beating on 
one of these walls until we find it!

Scene II:

[Fred, Daphne, and Velma are walking through a big ballroom with a lighted 
candle.  There is an old piano in the corner, smooth tiles on the floor, 
and old, moldy, purple drapes over the windows.]

[Shot of the three walking through.]

Fred: Would you look at this?

[They stop and look.]

Daphne: This is gorgeous!  Just like out of a fairytale.

Velma: And it's probably where they held the auction.  There's enough space.
Let's look around for clues.

[The three split around the room and begin searching around for clues.]

[Shot of Fred squatting down and looking at some prints on the ground.]

Fred: Hey, Velma!  Take a look at this!  These are new footprints!  And 
would you look at what they're made of!

[Shot of Velma inspecting the print and looking at the material that was 
tracked in.]

Velma: Jinkeys, this isn't mud!  This is paint!  Green paint!  Like on the 
Jeep outside that was painted to look like Duff's!  What a clue!

Fred: Let's see where they lead!  C'mon, Daph.

[Shot of Daphne looking through a bundle of papers by the piano.]

Daphne: Hold on, Fred!  I want to look at this sheet music.  There are all 
sorts of different titles in here.  Whoops!

[A couple papers flutter to the ground beneath Daphne, slipping from her 

Fred's voice: Wait, those papers you dropped aren't sheet music.

[Shot of Velma looking at them.]

Velma: They're letters to Arthurs from Sonick Magazine requesting the 
purchase of his house.  But why would a magazine want to buy a house all 
the way out here?

[Arthurs's ghost appears conveniently to halt the thought-process, 
appearing without the mist this time but with the flashing lights all 
around him.  He hurls his arms into the air and bellows supernaturally.]

Daphne: Yikes!  It's the ghost!

Fred: Run!

Scene III:

[Shaggy and Scooby are standing in a small hall with a few rooms, mostly 
washing rooms and storage, off to the side.  They are hunkering down in 
fright as they walk.]

[Shot of the two.]

Shaggy: Okay, Scoob, like, here's the plan.  Stay as quiet as possible and 
try to find Freddy and the girls and the guys in Guns before that old 
geezer-ghost finds us!

Scooby: Right.

Shaggy: Like, I'll turn and walk backwards and make sure nobody's sneaking 
up on us.  You keep looking ahead.

[They continue walking like this for a brief period before Scooby's foot 
snags onto a piece of rope tied around a ladder.]

[The ladder, as it is being dragged upright by Scooby, makes a screeching 
sound on the floor.]

[Both Scooby and Shaggy freeze.]

Shaggy: Scoob.  Do you, (gulp,) hear that?

[Scooby draws his foot up and knocks the ladder off balance.  It teeters 
back at Shaggy.]

[Shaggy turns around.]

Shaggy: Scooby, I asked if you -- zoinks!

[The ladder topples down on him, missing him between the rungs but scaring 
him witless.]

Scooby: (gives his trademark laugh at Shaggy's fright.)

Shaggy: Would you knock it off?  We're trying to find the others.  Why 
don't you try sniffing them out?

Scooby: Roh-kay.

[Scooby starts sniffing at the ground, circling around for a few moments, 
and then he points.]

Shaggy: Is it Guns N' Roses or Freddy and the girls?

Scooby: Neither.

Shaggy (looking disappointed at Scooby and putting his hands on his hips) 
Well, then why are you pointing?

Scooby: I rell rizza!

Shaggy: Rizza!  I mean, pizza!  Boy, Scooby, I'm glad I have you around.  
Otherwise, I'd have to smell these things out on my own.  Lead the way, pal!

[At the end of the hall is a large kitchen with a table situated beside a 
broom closet.  On the table is a half-eaten pizza.  Shaggy and Scooby 
immediately sit themselves and hang their tongues out in delight.]

Shaggy: Boy, I love pepperoni!  Nothing makes my heart thump harder!

[A thump sounds from nearby, and only Scooby hears it.  He looks 
questioningly for a second, wondering how Shaggy really made his heart 
thump so loudly, but then remembers the pizza and forgets about it.]

Scooby: (tail wagging hard; making smack sounds) 

[The thump sounds again, and this time, Shaggy hears it.]

Shaggy: Scooby, stop wagging your tail so hard!  You're hitting the floor.

[Scooby looks down at his tail in question and then remembers the pizza, 
gulping down half of it.]

[Shaggy salvages his half and starts eating it.]

[Scooby looks longingly at the pizza Shaggy has and starts moving toward 
him like a soldier.]

Shaggy: Like, no way, Scoob.  When it comes to food, you can have anything 
you want, but you'd better not take it from me.

[Shot of Duff, Slash, and Axl, beating on the wall in the closed-off room 
adjacent to the kitchen.]

Duff: Hey, someone out there knows the lyrics to "Jungle!"

Axl: Shout!

[Shot of Shaggy and Scooby in the kitchen.  Suddenly, indistinct shouts are 
heard coming from the broom closet.]

[Shaggy and Scooby open the door to the broom closet.]

Shaggy: Like, who could possibly be in the broom closet?

Scooby: Look!

[Scooby notions to the floor.  A puddle of water is seeping out from under 
a fake door which makes up the back of the broom closet.]

Shaggy: Like, Axl, Duff, Slash!  Is that you?

Axl's muffled voice: Yeah!  Find a handle out there!  There is none in here!

Shaggy: Like, quick, Scoob.  Look for a handle.

[Shot of Scooby.  As if he always knew, he moves the broom inside the 
closet to the side with a dumb look on his face.]

[The broom triggered the door to open, and Axl, Duff, and Slash all 
toppled in onto Shaggy.]

[They all stand up and recover quickly.]

Shaggy: Scooby Doo, that's the second time in five minutes something's 
fallen on me because of you.

Scooby: (laughs at Shaggy's misfortune again.)

[Shot of Slash, Duff, and Axl.]

Duff: Man, am I happy you guys came by!  For the second time.

Slash: Yeah, now we can go find our photographer and Percy.

[Shot of Shaggy looking down on Scooby.]

Shaggy: Uh-oh.  You know what this mean, Scoob.  We're going to have to 
search around this castle again.  And you know what that means?

Scooby: What?

Shaggy: (in his typical whine) We may run into that freaky phantom!

[Shot of Duff, Axl, and Slash.]

Axl: C'mon, guys.  Don't chicken-out.

Duff: (holds out a familiar box) Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?

[Shot of Slash and Shaggy and Scooby]

[Slash tosses the Scooby Snax into the air, and Shaggy and Scooby happily 
swallow them up.]

[Shot of Shaggy and Scooby.]

Shaggy: I think that did the trick.  Let's go Scoob.

Scooby: I'm still scared!

Shaggy: That's okay!  Guns N' Roses can lead the way!  They aren't afraid 
of anything.

[Shot of Slash, Duff, and Axl looking at each other skeptically; after the 
pause, they all three push their hands into the box of Scooby Snax, gulp 
some down, and start into the hall.]

[Shot of all of them hunkering down and walking in the Shaggy-like saunter.
Guns N' Roses are, of course, in the front.]

Axl: It isn't that scary, I guess.

Slash: Yeah, just a little quiet!

Duff: Shh.  I think the Shaggy-Scooby theory of staying absolutely silent 
has some merit to it.

[They walk into the main hall by the back door and pause.]

Axl: I don't have to be quiet!

Duff: You're blowing our cover!

[Shot of Scooby and Shaggy.  Scooby is in Shaggy's arms, and they're both 
shuddering violently.  Scooby takes his chattering teeth out and puts them 
in Shaggy's pocket to silence them without Shaggy knowing.]

[Up ahead, an unknown person is rolling a wardrobe out through the hall, 
the ghost accompanying him, and heading toward the staircase.]

[Shot of GN'R and Scooby and Shaggy.]

Slash: Duck!  Under the stairs!

[As they are watching the man wheeling the piece of furniture with the 
ghost following behind him, Scooby's shattering teeth take a bite out an 
unsuspecting Shaggy.]

Shaggy: Like, Y-O-W!

[Shaggy sky-rockets through the stairs and punches his head straight 
through.  His legs, below, are kicking with the pain and surprise of 
Scooby's stray teeth, and Shaggy pulls the teeth from his pants.  Needless 
to say, their cover was blown.]

[The ghost starts bolting toward the stairs at the spies he knows hides 
behind them.]

[Behind the stairs, the ghost sees Shaggy and Scooby getting autographs 
from Axl and Duff.  A table is set up behind them with promotionals for 
Appetite for Destruction, giving it the appearance of the typical 
meet-and-greet.  He looks stunned for a moment, and looses his look of 

Axl: Hey, another fan!

[Shot of the ghost.]

Arthurs's ghost: I will destroy you just like I destroyed the python!

[Shot of the fake autograph-signing.]

Duff: (drawing his name neatly onto a poster Scooby is holding up) Dude, 
Slash!  There's an impatient fan out here!

[Shot of the ghost as Slash approaches.]

Slash: Hold on a sec.  Let me get this pen working.

[Slash shakes a marker and then unexpectedly squirts ink all over the 

Slash: She's a boa!  Not a python!

[As the ghost is stunned, they all take advantage of the situation and run 
as fast as they can.  When approaching the wardrobe, Scooby and Shaggy run 
right through it, scaring off the man who was pushing it with the loud 
crash.  GN'R, who initially slowed down, shrug and pick up the pace again, 
crashing through after them and destroying the piece of furniture.]

[Shot of them running into the ballroom and crashing head-on into Velma, 
Daphne, and Fred.]

[Shot of GN'R and Scooby and Shaggy.]

Shaggy: Have we lost them?

Fred's voice: Them?  There were more people other than the ghost?

Duff: Yeah, some guy was out there with him.

[Shot of Fred rushing out the door.]

Fred: I'm going to go take a look at him and see if I can recognize him.

[Shot of GN'R and Scooby and Shaggy.]

Velma's voice: What happened to you guys?

[They were still sitting on the ground and had items from the wardrobe 
wrapped around them and stuck to them everywhere.]

[Shot of Slash emptying his hat of small contents]

Slash: Make-up!  Stage make-up!  If we were a glam-band, this would come 
in way handy!

[Shot of Axl and Duff; Axl has bracelets and necklaces caught in his hair 
and clothing, and Duff has feathered stoles and scarves wrapped around his 
neck and arms.]

Daphne: It looks like you've just run through a movie-star's closet!

[Shot of Velma looking at a pair of sunglasses on Scooby's head.]

Velma: Just as I suspected.  These items are all property of Sonick 

[Shot of Slash, Duff, and Axl.]

Duff: Sonick Magazine?

Axl: Why would they have stuff in Arthurs's place?

[Velma holds up one of the letters Daphne found.]

Velma: Because they bought the house.

[Shot of GN'R and Scooby and Shaggy getting to their feet and cleaning 
each other off.]

Slash: Yeah, like, that would totally explain why they have a fog machine.

Velma's voice: A fog machine?

Duff: Yeah, we broke it.  [He thumbs back toward the kitchen and the broom 

[Shot of Axl, cleaning the jewelry out of his hair.]

Axl: And that probably also explains the secret passages all over the place.
They're turning this place into some kind of funhouse.  Probably a place to 
shoot photographs.

[Shot of Fred walking back in.]

Fred: Exactly what I thought.  I couldn't catch those guys.  They ran 
off.  But I think we have enough evidence to wrap up this mystery.  All we 
have to do is catch them.

[Shot of Shaggy and Scooby.]

Shaggy: Is that all?  That's bad enough.  We aren't going to be bait for 
this thing!  I put my foot down! 

[Shaggy slams his foot down.]

Fred's voice: You're not going to be bait, Shag.  Axl, Duff, and Slash are.

[Shot of Axl, Duff, and Slash.]

Axl: What?

Duff: Bait?

Slash: Look, I just wanna find Percy and the photographer.  I'm not into 
this bait-thing at all.

[Shot of Velma.]

Velma: Don't worry about a thing.  The last thing that goofy "ghost" wants 
to do is harm you.

Axl's voice: But he wants us to "perish."

[Shot of Fred, Velma, and Daphne.]

Fred: He wants you to think you're going to perish.

Velma: This whole ordeal has been one huge photo-shoot.  Everytime the 
ghost shows up, there are flashing lights.  They're cameras.

[Shot of Axl, Duff, and Slash.  They are stunned.]

[Shot of Daphne.]

Daphne: Most of the photos taken of Guns N' Roses are showing a group of 
people who are afraid of nothing, so this is an opportunity to catch a 
totally different side of you and publish it.

[Shot of Axl, Duff, and Slash.]

Axl: What's your plan?

Slash: And where's poor Percy in all of this?

[Shot of Fred.]

Fred: When we catch these guys, it will lead straight to Percy, the 
photographer, and Mr. Hoffman.  All we need to do is rig the net back up.  
The one Axl caught us in.  Then, connecting it to the balcony in the entry 
of the house [shots of the vestibule as he is talking, moving from place to 
place as they come into play,] Axl, Duff, and Slash can stand at the front 
door and wait for the ghost to come back.  When they come, give them your 
best smiles, and we'll drop the net on them.

[Shot of Axl, Duff, and Slash.]

Axl: I dunno if I like the idea of being bait.

Slash: Yeah, man, I don't know what your trip is, but I'm not really --

[Shot of Daphne.]

Daphne: Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?

[She holds the box out, bends forward like she's talking to her cats, and 
shakes the box.]

Daphne: Two Scooby Snax?

[Shot of Slash, Duff, and Axl.  They grin at each other.]

Duff: (whispering to the other two) Two Scooby Snax from Daphne!

Slash: (whispers back) Will it get any better?

[They look up to the others.]

Axl: Okay.

[Shot of them accepting Scooby Snax from Daphne.]

Slash: Like, toss us in the snakepit.

Act IV: 
Scene I

[Axl, Duff, and Slash stand at the front door talking amongst themselves, 
like sitting ducks, while up above in the left balcony, Fred, Daphne, and 
Velma have a rope in hand.  To the left underneath the balcony, Scooby and 
Shaggy watch in the shadows.]

[Shot of Fred leaning down from the balcony.]

Fred: Hey, guys!  Are you ready?

[Shot of GN'R]

Duff: (send a thumbs-up sign to Fred.)

Axl: Yep.

Freddy's voice: What about Scooby and Shaggy?

[Shot of Scooby and Shaggy standing under the balcony.]

Shaggy: We're all set, Freddy.  Tell you when the monster's on the X 
[shot of the X on the floor] and then signal to you.  We got it.

[Shot of the ghost rambling around in the hall, looking for GN'R]

Freddy's voice: Uh-oh!  Here he comes!

[Shot of Axl, Duff, and Slash.]

Axl: Okay, remember he's only a fake!

Duff: I wish he didn't look so real.

Slash: Just smile when the flashes start.  Think about your public, man!  
The fans!

[The ghost appears in all of his grotesqueness, and waves his arms about.  
There is no mist now, because the machine was broken.  The flashes are 
going at full-speed.]

[Shot of Axl, Duff, and Slash.  They hug together and smile, waving peace 

[Shot of the ghost, alarmed.  He moans some more and walks even closer, 
stepping onto the X.]

[Shot of Shaggy and Scooby, jumping for the shadows and gesturing to Fred.]

Shaggy: Like, now!

[Shot of Fred pulling at the rope.  Nothing happens.]

Fred: It's stuck!

[Shot of the net, snagged by the moldings on the balcony.]

Fred's voice: Oh, no!  It's snagged!

[Shot of Daphne leaning over.]

Daphne: Hold on, Freddy.  I think I can reach this side --  Whoa!

[Shot of Slash and Duff, pointing.]

Duff: Daphne's falling!

[Slash slides under her just in time, catching her.  The force knocked her 
hat to the side, causing it to slide off and replace itself on Daphne's 

Daphne: (hugging Slash after he stands her back up) My hero!

[Slash has a huge grin on his face.]

[Shot of Shaggy, Scooby, Slash, and Daphne cornered in under the balcony.  
The monster is approaching.]

Axl's voice: Dude, watch out!

Arthurs's ghost: So, you tried to trap me!  Now you must face the 
unleashing of my wrath!

[Without warning, a large snake drops from the ceiling and lands directly 
onto the ghost.]

[The ghost loses its spookiness and begins twirling around in fright.]

Arthurs's ghost: Get it off!! Get it off!!  It's around my neck!  Get it 

[During the ghost's disorientation, Axl, Duff, and Slash knocked him to 
the ground and caught him.  Cameras jostled from his costume and cluttered 
to the ground.]

Fred's voice: Nice going, guys!  You caught the ghost!

[Shot of a man at the top of the stairs with Mr. Hoffman tied up and 
slouching beside him.]

The man at the stairs: And me and Percy totally caught the other guy!

Axl: Hey, it's our photographer!

Duff: So, you didn't perish, eh?

[Shot of Slash holding Percy who looks up at him in adoration.  He looks 
down in appreciation, and the two seem to bond once more.]

Slash: Percy!  You're such a good snake!

[Shot of everyone gathering around the ghost and Mr. Hoffman who the 
photographer brought down the stairs.]

The photographer: Now, I wanna know what's going on here?  I walked  into 
this place with Axl, and the next thing I know, I'm getting kidnapped.

[Shot of Velma.]Velma: Let's go back over the clues.

[Scene waves out like a dream sequence to the broken Jeep on the road, and 
the scenes follow Velma's explanation.]

Velma's voice: First, the Jeep Duff and Slash were driving in was sabotaged 
and reproduced outside the house to make it look like they had already 
arrived.  That way, Axl and the photographer would walk directly into the 
house unsuspecting anything, making it easier to kidnap the photographer 
and get some great shots of Axl being terrified.

Fred's voice: Then, Mr. Hoffman appeared and told us he was from the State 
of California.  When we found the letters to Arthurs mixed in with the 
sheet music in the ballroom, they proved that the house had been sold to 
Sonick Magazine.  Therefore, the State of California had no business being 

Velma's voice: And when Axl, Duff, and Slash found the mist machine and we 
found the green paint on the floor of the ballroom, this proved that this 
whole event was just an elaborate hoax.  And all of the props with Sonick 
Magazine's label on them told us exactly who was behind it.  Mr. Hoffman 
wasn't from the State of California, he's with Sonick Magazine!

[Shot of Axl, Duff, and Slash.]

Slash: Wait, if this Hoffman-guy is actually with Sonick, then who is the 
guy behind the ghost mask?

[Shot of Shaggy next to the ghost.]

Shaggy: Like, I'll find that out.

[Shaggy pulls at the ghost's head but no mask was coming off.  The ghost 
bellowed at him.]

Arthurs's ghost: Stop that, you moron!

[Close-up of Arthurs defeated, yet angry, face.]

Velma's voice: Wow!  It really is Arthurs!  He never died!

Slash's voice: He's just ugly and deathly-looking enough that he barely 
needed a costume.

[Scooby looks at Arthurs in wonder, and Arthurs growls loudly at him.]

Scooby: Ripe!

[Shot of Scooby jumping into Duff's arms instead of Shaggy's who is 
standing right next to him.]

Duff: (handing him to Shaggy.) You totally jumped into the arms of the 
wrong tall, skinny guy.

[Shot of Scooby.]

Scooby: Whoops.  (Trademark laugh.)

[Shot of Mr. Hoffman.]

Mr. Hoffman: We bought this house just for this reason, to lure 
Guns N' Roses here, and scare them silly.

Slash's voice: Why?

Mr. Hoffman: Sonick Magazine wanted a new look for Guns.  We wanted 
something we could really make money off of, but that you couldn't give us 

[Shot of Slash, Axl, and Duff scowling.]

Axl: (wagging a scolding pointing finger) That's pretty low.  You should 
have just called us.  We could have come up with some awesome photos for 

Mr. Hoffman's voice: But they wouldn't have been this great!

[Shot of everyone standing around Hoffman.]

Mr. Hoffman: And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you 
snoopy kids and that pesky dog.

[Shot of the photographer]

The photographer: I have a feeling you'll be making some pretty scary faces 
when Guns N' Roses haul you into the courtroom.  The police on their way.

Act V: 
Scene I

[Backstage in one L.A.'s famous clubs.  The gang and all of GN'R are 
standing in the area right before you reach the stage.  They're about ready 
to go on.]

Daphne: Thanks so much for these great backstage passes!

[Shot of Shaggy and Scooby waving the pass around.  The passes around their 
necks have been autographed.]

Shaggy: And thanks for the autographs!  This is great, huh, Scoob?

Scooby: Right, Raggy!  No, Ronsters!

[Shot of GN'R.]

Axl: What better way to thank you?

Duff: Yeah, I really dig chasing monsters around scary houses with you guys.
We'll have to do it again sometime.

Slash: Without Percy.

[Shot of the club packed full of people and screaming.  The lights were 
starting to twirl dramatically.]

Slash's voice: Uh oh.  We gotta get onstage.

[Shot of Axl, Duff, and Slash.]

Duff: Hey, Shag, Scoob.  Wanna announce us?

[Shot of Scooby and Shaggy.]

Axl's voice: Yeah, our photographer is snapping photos of us, and he's 
bound to catch a few shots of you guys!

Shaggy: Like, what do you say, Scoob?

Scooby: Ret's ro!

[Scooby and Shaggy accept and go out onto the stage before Guns N' Roses.  
They stand at the front, middle microphone.]

[Shot of Scooby and Shaggy in the spotlight, camera flashes twinkling from 
the photographer's pit, and the audience screaming when the light falls to 

Shaggy: Like, straight from the Jungle --

Scooby: -- and the snakepit --

Shaggy: -- our pals --

Shaggy and Scooby: -- Guns N' Roses!

[The band takes the stage with the audience roaring, and surrounds Shaggy 
and Scooby as the beginning of "Jungle" starts.]

[Axl pushes the microphone to Scooby's mouth.]

Scooby: Scooby-Dooby-Doo!


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